The Home Birth Pages - British Maternity Care (The Bullying I got When Pregnant with Yanny)

After the unassisted birth of my daughter Alicia, I was so empowered I decided to plan a home birth for my 5th child. I knew I wanted non-interventionist maternity care and if all was well, I wanted another unassisted birth, either alone or with a midwife who would just be in the room but not actually do anything. I wanted to be unassisted in giving birth naturally to my baby.

So at 15 weeks pregnant, I wrote to the Director of Midwifery Care to ask if they could assign me a community midwife. All pregnant women are supposed to be able to get maternity care without going to their GP, by doing this, but the Head Midwife just telephoned me to tell me to go to my GP. So much for that, then.

I went along to the GP who gave me the 'we don't recommend home birth' speech. I told him I was having one anyway, and thankfully he didn't try to dissuade me but sent me to the surgery's assigned midwife.

She was lovely and loved home births, but told me I would *have* to be booked in with a consultant at the hospital because this was my 5th child, which put me in an 'at risk' category. I implored that I wanted midwife only maternity care, but she said her hands were tied by NHS policy. I reluctantly picked a hospital that had a 15% C section rate instead of the usual 23% because I thought they would be more open minded.

So at 16 weeks, I went to see the consultant as arranged. I had written a detailed birth plan on my notes, including not ever to do an episiotomy even if there was an emergency, not to do forceps or any internal examinations. I stated if I had to come in because of emergency, I would only accept ventouse with no cut or a caesarean. I also said no to induction and no to a section for non-emergency reasons such as breech presentation.
In fact, I was still planning on having a home birth for breech presentation.

My visit to this consultant, who was supposed to be pro-natural birth, was like being bombarded with bricks.
'How will we monitor your progress with no internals?' she asked
'Internals check dilation of the cervix which is not an accurate indicator of how labour is going...you could be 1cm dilated one hour and then fully dilated the next, and it has nothing to do with the safety of the baby.'
I explained about my chronic vulvodynia. She didn't care at all and said they'd *have to* do internals if I came in in an emergency.
I told her that my privates were exactly that, private, and that I would not consent to any examination.

She then started scaremongering about how women who have had as many children as me can bleed heavily and a home birth was not ideal in case I bled to death (yes, and she did use the word death).

I told her I was not going to bleed to death, I have had normal childbirths except for the first time which was caused by doctors anyway. She told me if the baby's head got stuck and I wouldn't have an episiotomy, then they'd have to do a 'really complicated' caesarean.
I said
'I guess you'll have to do that c section, then, because you are not cutting my genitals.'
I told her that childbirth was a normal, biological response like eating, sleeping and having a bowel movement.
She disagreed and said although it was natural, nature is fraught and can go wrong and I was just assuming I'd have a normal birth.
I replied
'Of course I'll have a normal birth. I know I can do it and there's no reason to think I won't.'

She asked
'What if you don't cope with the pain? You might need drugs.'
'I can cope', I told her, 'it's only childbirth, it's not as if I'm having an operation awake.'
'You might think it'll be okay and then it isn't' she talked over me.
Thanks for the vote of confidence in my ability to give birth, I thought. Wow, it's no wonder so many women have an epidural.

Seeing she could not convince me of the dangers of childbirth, she asked me to see the director of midwifery about my birth plan. Apparently this woman was supposed to be into natural childbirth so I stupidly agreed to see her.

Finally, after this onslaught of negativity, the consultant asked to scan me. I said no. Detailed images of the baby couldn't be picked up until 20 weeks and I didn't care about 'dating' - the baby would come out when he came out. Who cares what day that was? I am not totally against scans but couldn't see a medical need before 20 weeks.

Again, she was aghast and said
'What if the pregnancy isn't viable?'
Right at that moment my baby was kicking me like he was training for a contest.
'It is viable. He's moving around', I told her.
'It might not be viable' she repeated.
'I just said I can feel him moving', I nearly shouted at her, 'if he was dead he wouldn't be moving!'
Eventually she backed down and asked to listen to his heart beat. I said okay. On hearing it with her wonderful doctor's technology, she turned to me and said
'It is viable.'
'I told you that, already', I said.

I was so angry she said my baby might not be viable, that I walked out of the consulting room.

Fighting For The Right To My Own Body

A few weeks later I went to see the director of midwifery with a female friend for support. This turned out to be just a pep talk on how I would have to change my birth plan.

I was told that if I came in, in an emergency they would do an internal without my permission. I said no. I was told that I wouldn't be able to have a ventouse delivery without a cut so they'd just book me for a caesarean.

My friend interjected and said
'That's rubbish, I gave birth at this hospital and I had a ventouse delivery without being cut!'

I was told they couldn't induce me without internals so they would just do a caesarean if I went overdue. I replied
'I'm not being induced anyway.'
'What if you don't go into labour?' she asked
'Well, I'm pregnant, so obviously I will go into labour at some point.'

The supposedly 'natural' midwife told me of all the benefits of coming into the hospital and she said I could have Diamorphine if I wanted it.

'That's heroine' I said, whilst she looked surprised that I knew, 'so no thank you, I have no intention of giving my baby a shot of heroine.'

I was told if the baby got stuck and it was an emergency, they would *have to* do an episiotomy, even without my consent.

My friend interjected again and said
'She just said no.'

I got angry at this point and said to the midwife
'Look, I don't like getting nasty, but you're obviously not going to get it any other way. IF YOU CUT ME THAT IS SEXUAL ABUSE AND I WILL SUE YOU.'

She looked stunned, while I continued
'My genitals are my genitals and I am not being cut ever again, or having someone's hands there without my permission. If you or anyone else in this hospital touches me I will charge you with assault and you will have to explain yourself to a great deal more people than just me.'

After a silent pause, she said
'So you are not going to deviate from that? You won't have an episiotomy in any circumstance?'
'No' I said.
'Okay', she gave in.
Finally!
But why did I have to get aggressive and threaten them with court before they realised my body was mine?
I left the hospital shaken and in tears. They were totally spoiling my pregnancy.

They tried to say I had to come back at 36 weeks to get permission from the consultant to have a home birth. I, of course, didn't go. I didn't need any consultant's permission on where or how I would give birth to my own baby. I was going to give birth in my living room, whether she agreed or not.

The Majority of the Time You Don't Need Doctors in White Coats, Internal Exams, Monitors, Pitocin or Anything Else - If You're Tired of the Industry that Birth Has Become, Have a Home Birth! Read The Mother Magazine for Help and Advice on Natural Birth